Thursday, July 24, 2008

My Lovely Family!

Mohd Sutiadi, Mohd Syamim, Mohd Suhendi

Lovely parents

My Pap with his niece July

My Mom at 19 years old!

its been good friday morning! i feel much-much better today. well.. i missed my family very much. my supermom! im wondering what are she doing right now. perhaps she is busy cleaning the house. my family. la familia..

they mean a lot to me. i cant survive them. its been 23 years of my life, and i want to thank them for being there. giving me support and always encourage me to be strong. i dont think i can make it to the university without their endless support. i love you all!

my pap - Haji Hamsawi Haji Mohd Nussy, 10th November 1955 superdad! he is my all time favorite hero. beware superman! hahaha.. my pap is such a kind man. the best ever dad in the world! even sometimes when he is out of his mood, he will definitely cool down after each outburst. he is quiet, but he do the things what he think he supposed to do. my pap is a type of guy who dont really cares about what he wears, car he drives, or even property he owns but he gave us something that very essential to our success today - Knowledge. loyal supporter of his children!

my mom - Hajjah Norkiah Mahiden, 20th July 1960, supermom! my mom is the greatest mother on the entire earth! my mom does quite a lot of lecturing in the house haha.. she is very-very hardworking mom. she will never allow her children to mess up the house. its true! my mom is a perfectionist when it comes to home decoration. the colors of the house, furniture arrangements, the vases and so forth. my mom doesnt know the meaning of STOP or REST. she will work until the house is super tidy. my mom, banker..

Eldest brother - Mohammad Suhendi, my loyal supporter and my best friend. he was born 3 years older than me. he works as a lawyer in miri now. and absolutely im proud of him. he always give me support whenever im down. good listener and good adviser.

Youngest brother - Mohammad Syamim, the tallest among us. basketball player and a shuffler (even though he denies it). born on 1992 and currently studying at my former school, SMK Tun Abang Haji Openg. the same school that my elder brother went to study. happy and cheerful guy. he is indeed a smart fella, but stubborn when it comes to homework! to say aaa.. a bit pampered laaa..

my self - Mohammad Sutiadi Hamsawi, born in 1985. 4th year communications student in Unimas. bit stubborn, rock headed, sensitive, caring and understanding person. i love making friends and i enjoys cooking very much.

You will always be my baby..

we were as one babe
for a moment in time
and it seemed everlasting
that you would always be mine
now you want to be free
so I'm letting you fly
cause i know in my heart babe
our love will never die,no!

you'll always be a part of me
i'm a part of you indefinitely
girl don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

i ain't gonna cry no
and i won't beg you to stay
if you're determined to leave girl
i will not stand in your way
but inevitably you'll be back again
cause ya know in your heart babe
our love will never end no
you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
girl don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

i know that you'll be back girl
when your days and your nights get a little bit colder
i know that,you'll be right back, baby
oh, baby believe me it's only a matter of time
of time

you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
girl don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time cant erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

you'll always be a part of me
i'm part of you indefinitely
girl don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time cant erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darlin cause you'll always be my baby

you and i will always be
no way your never gonna shake me
no way your never gonna shake me
you and i will always be

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Louzy Thursday!!


i have just came back from the clinic. i got a slight fever this morning. its terrible.. i got flu, cough, high body temperature and an asthma. full in one package. unfortunately, i cant give my full concentration during methodology class as the dizziness became wild. i just laid my head back on the wall and i looked at the lecturer helplessly. hehehe..

yesterday i watched a movie at FSGK's experimental theater. the movie was about a japanese lady who faced lots of hardship during her life. she worked as a geisha, prostitute and as a concubine. she was also a mother to a young lord Matsudaira! the movie was quite old.. produced in the year of 1950's.

what i can say about the movie, it was remarkable! because during that particular of time, an asian director managed to produced such a movie. the movie itself packed with human values and i think they should remake this film using the latest technology. for sure it will give massive impact, competing with the previous film on geisha, memoirs of geisha.

so, what's wrong watching old film? haha.. now i learned something new.. how director used their own creativity to make their own fantasy, and later to be translated into the form of arts. cheers!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Debate of the century? a'ah

i was quite excited when i watch the debate of oil price between PKR De facto leader, Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim and Datuk Ahmad Shabery Cheek, Minister of Information. but i didnt watch the debate on time as i was at the college and unfortunately, i dont bring my tv set this semester. good news for me, i downloaded the videos from you tube. from part 1 till part 8.

even though im not a political science student but i think the debate was good, in a way to open up the eye of our gov.

i learned only one precious thing from the debate. our gov is still treating its people as if we are naive and we are stupid enough to accept everything about what have been said by the gov. sorry to say, we are not in the era of Pak Kadok or even Pak Pandir, we are not a passive people anymore. More malaysians are becoming more educated and we dont want any lies.

im not saying that im more into PKR but i just want to stress it out here that, i firmly agree that the oil price now (rm2.70 per litre) is far too high. i dont think that the rebate given by the gov can really help our people. those are for the people who have cars and motorcycle. what happened to financially disadvantaged people?

therefore i agree with Datuk Seri Anwar's suggestion to pull down the price from RM2.70 to RM2.20.

seriously i dont really understand why the gov increase the price in the 1st place? for the sake of our nation's economy? or it is just another trick that lies in the hands of our political entities? we might not know..

Night to remember

hai.. its me again. fuh.. such a buzy weekend. i had a show last night. our nasyid group was invited to our university's function, Malam Anugerah Pelajar Unimas 2008. the event was very successful i think. its great to see talented student that night.

actually we didnt prepared well for the show last night. we had a practice only for 2 nights and i personally didnt managed to memorize the lyrics. my goodness. but somehow we did it well. thanks to kurt and calen, who played the instrument very-very outrageous.

i love to see kurt playing the "GIZEN", chinese traditional guitar-like music instrument. WHOOA! everyone was stunned! including Datuk Abdul Rahman Zohari and our Chancellor, Prof. Khairudin. thank god we sang such a lovely tune. but the environment was tensed. i can feel the electricity in the hall..suddenly i became damn nervous. my hand was like frozen to ice. so cold!

i enjoy myself very much last night. as a newest member of Damai nasyid group, i like to say thank you to Zul, Hisham, Hazrol, Mirul, Fakhrol, Kurt and Calen for the guidance. time is up now.. see you soon..

Friday, July 18, 2008

Legenda Saruyong - Sarawakian Folklore


SAGAI dan Sigan adalah dua adik beradik yang begitu berani menghadapi cabaran. Apa jua halangan yang menimpa mereka, dengan bersemangat mereka mengharunginya. Sagai merupakan anak yang sulung dan Sigan pula adik yang bongsu. Dalam keluarga mereka, Sagai dan Siganlah yang rajin pergi jauh ke dalam hutan rimba untuk memungut hasil hutan dan berburu. Dalam rumah panjang yang mereka diami, Sagailah yang selalu membawa pulang hasil buruan yang besar seperti khinzir hutan atau rusa. Kemahiran berburu Sagai memang tidak dapat ditandingi oleh mana-mana pemuda di dalam rumah panjang. Sigan pula seorang yang agak pendiam dan kurang berkata-kata berbanding Sagai. Keberanian dan kejayaan milik Sagai sering menjadikannya angkuh. Ramai pemuda lain tidak gemar bergaul dengan Sagai kerana Sagai suka memperkecilkan kebolehan seseorang. Ramai golongan tua di dalam rumah panjang amat suka dengan keberanian Sagai dan ingin mengambil Sagai sebagai menantu. Ini menjadikan Sagai lebih riak dan sombong. Sigan seringkali menasihati abangnya agar berubah tetapi sia-sia. Sigan sendiri pernah dimarahi abangnya itu kerana tidak mahu mengikutinya berburu di hutan. Umur Sigan dan Sagai tidak jauh bezanya cuma Sagai 4 tahun lebih tua.

“ Aku mahu makan rusa malam ini. Kau ikut aku. Kita pergi selepas matahari terbenam.” Ujar Sagai ketika melabuhkan punggungnya di serambi.

“ Bukankah kita sudah pergi dua hari yang lepas. Kita berehat saja. Lusa boleh kita pergi Sagai.” Jawab Sigan yang kurang bersetuju.

“ Aku tidak menyangka adik aku seorang yang pengecut.” Tingkah Sagai. Suaranya mula meninggi.

“ Aku bukan pengecut Sagai. Aku penat.”

“ Penat atau takut? Sudah. Aku akan pergi seorang diri. Pengecut!”

Sigan diam sahaja. Mukanya mula merah padam. Sagai mentertawakannya di depan golongan tua ketika duduk berehat di ruang serambi. Bukan main malu lagi Sigan apabila Sagai menuduhnya pengecut. Sigan segera bangkit daripada duduk lalu turun ke bawah rumah. Dia menggapai sebilah parang panjang miliknya.

“ Aku akan buktikan yang aku bukan pengecut Sagai.” Getus hati kecilnya.

Sigan mengasah parangnya tajam. Cukup tajam. Adakalanya Sigan mengacungkan parangnya ke udara dan melibas-libas parang yang mempunyai hulu berukir kemas itu. Marak benar hatinya akibat mendengar tohmahan Sagai.

“ Kau pergi lagi malam ini Sagai ?”

“ Tidak lama Bulan. Aku akan lekas balik.” Balas Sagai. Dia mengusap manja wajah gadis kesayangannya itu.

“ Aku sudah menunggu lama Sagai. Apa kau tidak suka padaku ?”

Sagai memberhentikan langkahnya. Dia teringat janjinya kepada Bulan.

“ Bulan, aku janji. Selepas aku pergi memburu ini nanti, hasilnya akan kubuat pesta di rumah panjang kita. Kemudian kita akan uruskan perkahwinan kita. Aku mencintaimu Bulan.” Jelas Sagai lagi.

Tiba-tiba rumah panjang menjadi huru-hara. Sigan berlari ke depan rumah. Sagai melompat garang dari anjung. Kedengaran bunyi haiwan peliharaan yang agak bising dari kandang. Rupa-rupanya mereka dikunjungi pelawat.

“ Aku Linggau. Kami datang dari bahagian utara.” Ujar lelaki yang menggelarkan dirinya Linggau itu.

“ Kami mohon untuk berehat di rumah kalian kerana kami ingin meneruskan perjalanan kami ke timur.” Tambahnya lagi.

“ Kami menyambut kedatangan kalian dengan hati yang terbuka.” Tegas Sagai sejurus memperkenalkan dirinya.

Linggau mengarahkan rakan-rakannya, Ungga dan Balan duduk berehat. Mereka meletakkan peralatan mereka ke tanah dan duduk berehat sebentar di kawasan perkarangan rumah panjang. Sagai tertarik kepada hulu parang milik Linggau. Begitu unik sekali. Sigan memerhati dari jarak jauh. Dia kembali ke bawah rumah untuk mengasah parangnya.

“ Linggau, ini airnya. Jemput minum ya.” Ujar Sagai.

Bulan menghidangkan air minuman kepada mereka. Sagai hairan dengan telatah Bulan. Bulan tidak menyangka Sagai memerhatinya. Sagai menjeling mata Bulan seolah-olah memberi amaran.

“ Siapa tuai rumah ?” Tanya Lingga.

“ Singgi. Kau dari rumah mana ?”

“ Aku dari rumah panjang Trusan, Sagai.” Balas Linggau sambil memuji air yang dihidang kepadanya sedap-sedap belaka.

“ Mengapa kau ke timur? Bukankah jauh untuk pergi ke timur?” Soal Sagai kehairanan.

“ Kami bertiga pergi memburu. Dan kami mendapat tahu di timur terdapat rusa yang besar-besar.” Hurai Linggau.

“ Ya, besar-besar. Kami pernah dapat seekor dahulu.” Tambah Ungga.

Sagai semakin tertarik setelah mendengar perkataan besar-besar itu.

“ Boleh aku pergi bersama kamu ? Aku juga meminati perburuan. Sebenarnya aku hendak bertolak ke hutan malam ini untuk memasang umpan. Ah, kebetulan sekali.” Ujar Sagai. Benar-benar dia gembira.

“ Tidak menjadi masalah buat kami Sagai. Aku dengar kau seorang yang digeruni di sini. Kami akan lebih bertuah jika kau ikut serta.” Balas Linggau.

“ Sigan adikku akan ikut sama. Maka kita akan pergi berlima.”

“ Itu sudah cukup bagus.” Tegas Balan yang dari tadi senyap sahaja.

Mereka menghabiskan minuman mereka sambil mendengar kisah-kisah dari rumah panjang masing-masing. Sagai memanggil Sigan supaya cepat bersiap kerana mereka akan bertolak mengikut Linggau, Ungga dan Balan. Parang yang siap diasah disimpannya dalam sarung. Makanan dan minuman sudah disediakan.

“ Sagai, kau pernah mendengar tentang Saruyong ?” tiba-tiba Linggau bersuara.

“ Saruyong? Apakah itu? belum pernah aku mendengarnya.” Balas Sagai.

“ Saruyong merupakan semangat hutan yang jahat. Sesiapa yang melanggar adat-adat hutan pasti akan disumpah menjadi Saruyong.” Jelas Ungga.

Sagai ketawa memperlekehkan kata-kata Ungga. Linggau terkejut.

“ Aku tidak percaya semangat hutan itu wujud. Bagiku, kita akan mendapat hasil dengan usaha kita sendiri. Itu semua karut.” Ujar Sagai.

Linggau tidak menyangka Sagai begitu bongkak sekali berkata demikian. Mereka mula mengemas barang-barang yang akan dibawa bersama. Linggau berasa hairan, hatinya bagaikan ingin memberitahunya sesuatu tetapi dia sendiri tidak pasti. Hatinya begitu berat untuk membenarkan mereka pergi. Sagai dilihatnya begitu bersemangat sekali.

“ Bulan, aku pergi dulu. Jaga diri baik-baik ya? Aku cintakan kau Bulan.”

Sagai mengucup dahi gadis itu. Sigan telah menunggu di bawah rumah. Semua warga rumah panjang mengucapkan selamat jalan kepada mereka berlima. Dengan gagah, Sagai memimpin mereka keluar dari kawasan rumah panjang lalu hilang ditelan hutan rimba yang tebal.

“ Linggau, kau suka makan rusa?” Tanya Sigan.

“ Ya, cukup suka. Dagingnya cukup manis.” Balas Linggau.

“ Tetapi, tidak dapat menandingi kesedapan ayam yang dipansuh.” Tambah Linggau lagi dengan nada berseloroh.

Mereka kini sudah berada dalam hutan. Hari ini merupakan hari pertama mereka berburu. Setelah sampai ke kawasan timur, mereka mula memasang perangkap untuk memburu khinzir mahupun rusa. Sesekali mereka meneliti bahagian atas pokok-pokok kalau-kalau terdapat tupai dan sebagainya. Sagai menunggu dengan sabar. Balan dan Ungga pula membuka bekas air lalu minum. Sagai masih berfikir tentang apa yang diberitahu oleh Linggau sebentar tadi. Saruyong. Apa benar Saruyong itu wujud? Berbagai persoalan menerjah minda pemuda yang sasa itu.

“ Ah, itu semua karut. Aku Sagai tidak kenal apa erti itu takut.” Getus hati kecilnya.

Wajah hampa jelas terpapar pada wajah mereka apabila tiada hasil untuk hari yang pertama. Linggau mengarahkan mereka untuk membuat tempat berteduh. Sagai turut kecewa kerana umpan yang dipasangnya tidak menjadi.

“ Tidak mengapa, esok masih ada.” Pujuk hatinya.

Pemburuan mereka telah masuk hari yang kedua. Dari pagi sehinggalah ke petang dan akhirnya ke malam, seekor haiwan buruan pun gagal ditangkap mereka. Satu perangkap pun tidak menjadi. Linggau berasa hairan. Kesabaran Sagai mula menipis. Sigan sudah mula dimamah penat.

“ Ah, aku bosan!” sergah Sagai.

“ Buruk sungguh hari ini. Malang betul nasib kita.” Tambah Sagai lagi

“ Sagai, jangan berkata begitu. Sabarlah. Mungkin esok ada.” Pujuk Linggau.

“ Aku tidak puas hati. Sudah tiga hari kita berada di kawasan timur ini.” Balas Sagai.

“ Sagai, jaga mulutmu itu. Saruyong pasti marah.”

“ Apa Saruyong? Mungkin dia yang menahan binatang-binatang itu supaya kita kelaparan di sini.”

Sigan terkejut. Balan, dan Ungga turut terkejut. Linggau sudah mengagak. Pada hari pertama lagi sudah ada yang tidak kena dengan perjalanan mereka. Ini sudah pasti angkara Saruyong, semangat hutan yang amat ditakutinya itu.

“ Jika benar Saruyong itu wujud, mari bersemuka denganku. Biar aku lawan dengan kekuatan dan parangku.” Sagai bagai hilang pedoman.

“ Sagai!! Celupar benar mulutmu. Kau tidak mengerti bahawa kita sudah berada dalam kawasan hutan rimba? Kawasan Saruyong!! Kau sudah melanggar adat-adat hutan Sagai. Nescaya Saruyong akan menghukummu.” Tegas Linggau.

“ Sagai. Sudahlah. Minta maaf dengan semangat hutan.” Ujar Sigan yang mula ketakutan.

“ Kau juga percaya akan kewujudan semangat hutan Sigan? Kau juga pengecut.”

Mereka meneruskan pemburuan mereka untuk hari yang keempat dan hari yang terakhir. Dalam meneruskan perjalanan, mereka mendapati bahawa Sagai telah hilang. Mereka cemas. Hutan rimba begitu besar sekali. Linggau yakin, semangat hutan telah menyembunyikan Sagai. Sigan memanggil nama Sagai berkali-kali. Begitu juga dengan Balan dan Ungga. Namun, tiada jawapan dari Sagai. Sagai benar-benar hilang. Puas mereka mengelilingi tempat yang mereka pergi untuk mencari Sagai tetapi hampa. Linggau mengarahkan mereka berpecah. Sigan ke utara manakala Balan ke timur. Ungga ke selatan dan Linggau ke barat. Penat menyerang Sigan. Sudah 4 hari mereka berada di dalam hutan rimba dan makanannya telah habis. Kini terpaksa mencari abangnya Sagai yang tiba-tiba hilang.

“ Sagai, di manakah kau?” hati kecil Sigan berkata-kata sayu.

Malam pekat menyukarkan lagi usaha mereka. Obor yang dipasang Sigan mula mengecil kerana kehabisan damar. Tiba-tiba satu lembaga hitam yang cukup besar berhenti di depan Sigan. Sigan terkejut lalu terjatuh. Di amatinya wajah lembaga hitam itu. Cukup menggerunkan. Walaupun malam pekat, Sigan mampu melihat raut wajah lembaga yang mengerikan itu. Matanya merah menyala dan gigi taring yang menyeringai. Di sisi lembaga itu terdapat dua ekor anjing besar. Seolah-olah mahu menerkam dan membaham Sigan. Sigan benar-benar takut namun lembaga itu tidak mengapa-apakan Sigan. Sigan jatuh pengsan.

“ Sigan, Sigan.”

Kedengaran suara Linggau memanggil. Mereka menemui Sigan yang terbaring lesu. Sigan segera menceritakan tentang lembaga hitam yang besar dan mengerikan. Linggau terduduk. Sangkaannya tepat sekali. Saruyong telah marah.

“ Lekas kita balik. Sagai kita akan cari semula apabila kita bawa lebih banyak orang dari rumah panjang.” Cadang Linggau

Suasana sedih menyelubungi perkarangan rumah panjang Encharang. Bulan tidak henti-henti menangis apabila diberitahu tentang kehilangan Sagai. Sigan kecewa dia tidak dapat berbuat apa-apa. Sagai seorang yang dihormati oleh masyarakat rumah panjang Encharang. Pada malam itu, Sigan turun ke bawah rumah untuk mengambil tali. Kedengaran suara lelaki memanggilnya dari dalam hutan. Sigan mengikuti suara tersebut.

“ Sagai, kau kah itu ?” ujar Sigan.

Alangkah terkejutnya Sigan apabila melihat abangnya Sagai berada di depan matanya. Sigan gembira dan ingin memeluk Sagai.

“ Jangan adikku. Aku bukan abangmu lagi.”

“ Kenapa Sagai?”

Tiba-tiba Sagai berubah menjadi lembaga yang tinggi dan mengerikan.

“ Aku disumpah oleh semangat hutan. Aku menyesal Sigan. Kini akulah apa yang mereka gelar Saruyong.” Ujar lembaga itu sayu.

“ Sagai!”

“ Sigan, dengar kataku ini. Aku bukan lagi manusia. Aku perlu makan, Sigan. Kau beritahu masyarakat kita agar berhati-hati agar tidak terserempak denganku.”

“ Bagaimana ?” soal Sigan.

“ Aku akan muncul pada waktu tengah malam. Pada waktu itu kau akan mendengar salakan anjing. Seperti dua ekor anjing yang aku bawa ini. Oleh itu, jangan kau suruh sesiapa keluar dari rumah pada waktu itu. Aku tidak akan mengganggu kau jika di depan rumah panjang kau dirikan sebuah tiang yang berukir. Aku akan tahu yang itu merupakan keluargaku. Percaya padaku tiang itu akan menyelamatkan kamu semua.” Jelas lembaga itu lagi lalu menghilang.

Sigan sedih kerana abangnya telah disumpah menjadi Saruyong, semangat hutan yang jahat. Sigan pun memberitahu masyarakat rumah panjang tentang Saruyong dan mula menyiapkan tiang berukir itu. Tiba sahaja waktu tengah malam, kedengaran salakan dua ekor anjing yang begitu aneh. Sigan tahu itu adalah tanda-tanda abangnya datang.

“ Saruyong, janganlah kau mengganggu kami lagi.” Getus hati kecil Sigan pada ketika itu sedang memeluk cucunya yang ketakutan.

Life - Inconvenient Truth

hurmm..i have been reading my friend's blog, nabilah. she talked about the statements from Dr Meredith Grey, yea.. one of the lead character in Grey's Anatomy, american tv series. it come to surprise me that all the statements are damn true. each and every single statement. actually i dont really follow the series as my Star World channel has been terminated.

ok..this is the 1st statement..

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares"

yeah..i firmly agree with her. a real friend is the one who are willingly to offer you some sort of protection whenever you need it. a person who can tolerate with you in whatever kind of situation. a person who can offer you comfort every time.

the 2nd statement..

"Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is ... everything."

she discussed on change. i cant agree more than that. as change approaches us, it becomes inevitable. its running on you. we cant escape from facing all the changes right? we dont have any choice or any option when it comes to change. either we adapt those changes or we got left behind. for me, for sure, i dont want to be left behind. i need to grow up from one phase to another. i actually scared of changes. sometimes, i dont want any changes occur in my life. especially in my family and my friends. i dont want them to change. i just want them to stay the same. the same individual that i feel comfortable to talk get along with. but, as Meredith coined, sometimes change is good and change is everything. what is good i perceived as something that puts you back in track of life. its nearly everything that is connected with change, whether its good or its bad, its up to us to comprehend the underlying truth about what we have been through.

heres the 3rd statement..

"Love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." come we dont love people who treat us right, right? i will never possibly imagine how does love means if we dont treat people who cares about me. i do believe that everything happens for a reason. theres no such thing as multiple co incidents. what happened to me i somehow i believe, is the consequences that i never think of. love, hatred, betrayal, dishonest, caring etc..those are the things that keep on haunting me day by day. and what are the reason for those things to happen? is it easy? no i dont think so. but im sure every action that i took, it would be worth it.

4th statement..

"There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make. True commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully" we comes to an issue here.. commitment. do you have commitments? do you? i have commitments. to my family, to my loved ones, to my friends, to my many of them. its true, commitments are complicated. we might never know how well we deal with those commitments. sometimes we have to push our own inner strength, for what? for somebody, for some thing that is really important to you even though you already have one. yea..i agree with her, we may surprise ourselves by the commitments we are willing to make. there was something that happened beyond your control and you dont have other options other than establishing new commitment. it did happen to me.damn. it lead me to some point, which i have to sacrifice and i have to learn the hard way to choose the commitment that need to be taken care of.

5th statement

"At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. They're what you do. Some things you say because you have no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves."

grey did mention about truth that really hurts. i think theres a point for me to illustrate here. we cant deny that theres somethings that we dont want to hear and somethings we say because we cant be silent any longer. its true. i dont want to hear something that irritates my life. and for sure, for the sake of relationship, i cant stay silent anymore. i have to be strong to tell the person that i really need her. how? i dont have no other choice. i have to keep to my self on this which is..TRULLY hurts! until theres a time when the person who you really hope to respond back to you, contacts you and say..I MISS YOU..what the heck? i didnt start it..she it true that some things simply speak for themselves? im confused!

this will be the 6th statement

"In life we are taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones... gluttony, pride, lust. But the thing you don't hear much about is anger. Maybe it's because we think anger is not that dangerous, that you can control it. My point is, maybe we don't give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all when it comes to destructive behavior, it did make the top seven."

7 deadly sins? i never heard about that. but i know those sins like gluttony, pride or lust are the big ones. well, we as human being, cant stop from reaching our own limits. which later will lead us to anger. i did explode when theres something bad happened in my relationship. my mistake. i didnt make it clear enough to see into my own mind how anger affected my previous relationship. probably its because i think that anger is not dangerous. grey was right, maybe anger can be a lot more dangerous than we might think. and it explains why anger did make the top seven.

guys, these are my perceptions on what have been said by grey. i quoted them one accordingly and based on my very own experiences. and im quite surprise, what she said about our life is damn true if only we analyze it from time to time..and from there, change takes place..

thats all for now..thanks for reading.


hurm..tired..but i just cant have my sleep..its pretty annoying.well..i have just emailed my latest t shirt design for the communication studies programme..and this is my 3rd one.hope the boss will like it..i only have weekends to write in my blog.hoho..writing blogs are very helpful sometimes,especially the time when you are down.yeah,i express anything in blogs.i want everybody to read and to comprehend what happened in my life.its not just a story but im sure it carries more than that.i do have a do other people right? my dream is simple,achieving the highest point in my life.i loves to dream.i think dream have inserted some sort of determination in man to pursue their own dream.for sure,dreams cant alter destiny which has been written but i believe dream is wonderful.

i am turning to 23 this year..approximately on time flies.didnt realise that i finally climbing up into 23 years old.2008 marked a new meaning in my life.some of the things i cant handle by myself and some of them are easily,the most important thing in my life and also in my pap always stresses out the importance of education to all of us in the house.sometimes i dont understand why i have to go through these stages? my education started so perfect but i hit the rock bottom when i was 17, i failed my addmath paper during SPM.i felt so useless and helpless.i cant deny how disappoint i was,looking at my friends who are able to make their move to matriculation.smiling like Joker in Batman.i know they deserve the end, i entered form6.totally new place and a new environment.luckily,i managed to pass my STPM and thats what i called REVENGE.from zero to hero, i raised as a new guy,looking at the new point,becoming university student.once again,i will never forget my 2nd year.God,i was so stupid,i started to lose my focus and i didnt give extra attention to my study,in fact, i gave it to my girlfriend instead.when for the 2nd time i hit the rock bottom,everything seems to be meaningless.i dont know where to go, i dont know what to do with myself.maybe i am the wrong guy to her.i just cant manage my time between study and personal relationship.the impact was grade dropped,the concentration decreased,and the worst thing ever, i blood pressure boomed as high as 203/ world was suddenly turned upside down.

of course,i have been given lots of advices from pap, mom, and my siblings.let them go.go away from my life.since then,i realised and i tried to be a new guy again.fortunately, its my final year.i do have one more chance.and i dont want to lose it what? i dont know.if im destined to meet with the new one,it wouldnt be much a problem to long as she knows me well and have their respect on is indeed a very good thing.God didnt create it without purpose right? its up to ourself to search for it.and to learn about it.

just like what i said,love is not how you learn about others,love is how you learn about your inner self.if you are able to love yourself,then you have to try to love somebody else.the degree of acceptance will depends on how deep is your love to your own soul.

hurmm..its time for me to log out..thanks for reading..